I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
