still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
