i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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