it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
