Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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