Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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