I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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