theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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