Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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