In the future we'll all be gay
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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