She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
