Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
