whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
