why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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