I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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