nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
