Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
