I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
