around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As shirtless as possible
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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