I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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