Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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