"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
