Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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