I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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