get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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