it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
