OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
