Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
