True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
