I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
