shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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