bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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