I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
