My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
