Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
