After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
