Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
