my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
