After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
