Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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