Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
