My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
