Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
