just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
