You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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