so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the day after is always just damage control
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
