Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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