I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
