drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
