so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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