as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
