There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
